25 March 2010

NEWS - DAY SIX. THE TROUT THAT ATE SAN FRANSISCO


WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG WITH AN IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH! SAN FRANSISCO RESIDENTS WERE LEFT REELING TODAY WHEN AN ENORMOUS GOOF WITH A HAT ON ATTEMPTED TO EAT THEIR FAIR CITY. REPORTS ARE SKETCHY BUT IT APPEARS THAT THIS GIANT MAN (SOME EYE WITNESSES CLAIM IT TO HAVE BEEN A LARGE TROUT-LIKE CREATURE) ATTEMPTED TO EAT THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE.


SCIENTISTS ON THE SCENE (THERE ARE ALWAYS A FEW HANGING AROUND) CLAIM TO HAVE DECIPHERED IT'S BELLOWING CRIES. THEY SAY THAT IT WAS CALLING OUT FOR COFFEE. THAT IT IS NOT NECESSARILY A BAD MONSTER, JUST SLIGHTLY MISUNDERSTOOD AND IN NEED OF IT'S LIFE FORCE: DARK ROAST COFFEE. MORE NEWS AS IT COMES IN BUT IT WAS LAST SEEN HEADING TOWARDS THE LOS ANGELES AREA. SOME SCIENTISTS SUGGEST THAT THE ONLY HOPE THAT CITY HAS IS FOR CELEBRITIES TO ROUND UP AS MUCH FAIR-TRADE, ORGANIC DARK ROAST COFFEE THEY CAN & CATAPULT IT TOWARDS THE MONSTER WHEN IT APPROACHES THE CITY. AS HAS BEEN MADE ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THROUGH THEIR HIGHLY PAID PR TEAMS CELEBRITIES ARE THE BEST CHANCE WE HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD (SO LONG AS THEY CAN STILL GET TO PILATES BEFORE 5). IT HAS ALSO BEEN SUGGESTED (BY SOME EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED LUNATIC) THAT IN LIEU OF THE CELEBRITY COFFEE CATAPULT IT MAY SETTLE FOR ONE OF MADONNA'S BRASSIERE'S, AN ICE CREAM CONE DATE WITH PEE-WEE HERMAN AND BEING CALLED 'HOCKEY PUCK' BY DON RICKLES. BUT THIS REPORTER WOULD WARN THAT ONLY A LUNATIC WOULD BELIEVE SUCH A LUNATIC.




...and here's a nice picture in b&w for people who like that sort of thing.

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